


No Place Like London

by Commanderskaikru



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Mentions of Suicide, Slow Burn, background anya/raven, minor Linctavia, trying at least
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-08 11:38:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4303464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Commanderskaikru/pseuds/Commanderskaikru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa's brother is getting married and she returns to her hometown after being sent away six years ago. She goes back thinking she has gotten over the life and people she left behind, but facing it all proves more difficult than she initially thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Homecoming

Lexa still remembered the she left as if it was yesterday. The dark, cloudy sky, the pouring rain and the look on her mother’s face. Even though it pained her that they couldn’t accept her for her, she didn’t regret telling them who she was. Her mother started crying hysterically and her father was angry. He told her he should have drowned her when she was a baby. Luckily, Lexa’s mother cared enough to convince him to cure the problem. A problem in their eyes at least. It only took a few days before they had arranged for her to go to a highly religious, private school in the United States.

 

She was fifteen at the time and now she was on her way back, six years later. Not to visit her parents, but her brother, Lincoln. Her kind and loving brother who didn’t cut her off. He wrote her letters every month, telling her how he was doing and how things were on London. How her friends and the people from her school were doing. He was only a year older than she was so they had most of the same friends. Getting those letters made it a little easier being away from it all, and she hated her parents a little bit less. All that hatred came back the time she got a letter saying one of her best friends had killed herself. That was a bad time for Lexa. She couldn’t help but think that if she had been there she could have done something. Maybe Costia would still be alive and ready to meet her when she arrived. She didn’t even get to say goodbye. The last time they saw each other Lexa was only going home for dinner. No one knew that would be the last time. Lincoln didn’t want to tell her why she did it, but he did say she left her a letter, one she could only get if she came back to get it. That’s not the main reason she was going back though.

 

Lincoln was getting married and asked her to be his best man, or best woman in this case. Lexa had yet to meet his fiancée, but from what he had told her she seemed like a good person and sounded perfect for her brother.

 

It was a week until the wedding when Lexa was on the train, minutes away from the station. As she saw it approaching, she could feel the bile slowly rising. She didn’t understand why she was so nervous. Even though she hadn’t seen him in six years it was only her brother.

 

***

 

When she stepped out of the train she immediately saw him. He was standing by the entrance to the building with a short brunette. He looked a little different. A little taller and stronger, but his shaved head, brown eyes and crooked grin was still the same. They used to look a lot alike, and seeing him now reminded Lexa of when they were younger. People would often mistake them for twins, and more often than not they didn’t bother to correct them.

 

Someone yelling her name brought her out of her tour down memory lane.

“Lexa!”

She shook the thoughts out of her head and saw a smiling Lincoln waving at her. She started walking towards him, and for the first time on her trip, she was truly excited.

“Hey little sis,” he said when they finally reached each other, and she received a bone crushing hug.

It felt so good to be in his arms again. Lexa hadn’t realised how much she missed him until that moment, and it brought tears to her eyes. When they pulled back she saw that he was crying too.

“God, I missed you. And you look great!” he said, and Lexa didn’t think she had ever seen anyone smile as big as he was.

“Thank you, you too. You’ve actually grown in to a man,” she said and the girls beside Lincoln let out a laugh.

“I’m sorry, this is Octavia,” he gestured to the girl.

“Nice to finally meet you,” Lexa stuck out her hand.

“You too,” Octavia smiled and shook her hand.

Lincoln cleared his throat, “as great as this reunion is we do have to get going, because I think Octavia parked illegally, and I’m starving.”

“At least take your sister’s bags!” Octavia called after him when he started to walk away.

 He immediately turned around and collected Lexa’s bags.

 

***

 

When they got to the car Octavia had actually parked illegally, and they arrived just in time not to get a ticket. On the way back to Octavia and Lincoln’s apartment Lexa was in the backseat, listening to them ramble to each other and watching the city pass by.

“Hey Lexa, you okay?” Lincoln looked at her through the mirror.

“Yeah, just thinking. It’s been a long time you know.”

“Yeah, I know. What are you thinking about?”

“The city. Mom and dad. I probably have to visit them, right _?” Please say no._

“Yeah, probably. They’re also coming to the wedding, you know. I’ll be there though,” he smiled. It’s silent for a while until the inevitable question comes, “are you thinking about her?”

Lexa took a deep breath before answering, “of course I am. I don’t think it would be possible for me to come back here without her popping into my mind.”

“I thought so. I see her around town and she looks really good.”

“I bet she does,” Lexa said and they both smiled.

Lincoln was the only one who knew how much she meant to Lexa, except her. How much she loved her. They didn’t talk about her in their letters, but he mentioned her in the first one. How tired she looked and how sad she was. He also mentioned that they talked about her sometimes. Lexa asked him not to tell her about her anymore, knowing it would be too hard.

“I still talk to her sometimes,” he said, “and she still asks about you occasionally.”

“She does?” Lexa askes, thinking she would have forgotten about her by now.

“Yeah. We go to a bar now and then to talk. I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, I don’t mind,” she said.

“That’s good,” he nodded. “Have you talked to Anya yet?”

“No, I was thinking of calling her later, maybe.”

“She wants to have dinner tomorrow. You, me, O, her and Raven.”

“They’re still dating? I guess things are good then?”

“Yeah, they’re very gross,” Octavia answered.

 

***

 

Their conversation died out after that and they agreed to stop at a Burger King because Lincoln was so hungry he ‘could literally feel himself getting skinnier’. Lexa decided to wait outside while they got the food, wanting to get a feel of the city again.

 

There wasn’t much traffic and as she was looking around her heart nearly stopped when her eyes fell to the other side of the road. There she was. Almost right in front of her. Lexa couldn’t help but stare as she changed the song on her iPod while waiting for the light to change. She watched her put it down and tilt her head up. In that moment, she saw her. Lexa could see the colour drain from her face, and it was like the world stopped around her. Their eyes met and Lexa felt as if she was fifteen again. All those feelings she had been bottling up for the last six years came rushing back and she couldn’t do anything to stop it. Just as she was about to run away, Lincoln and Octavia came back out.

“Hey, what are you-,” Lincoln started and followed her line of sight, “oh,” he said and they both froze.

The light turned green just as he finished his sentence and she hesitated before walking towards them.

“I have to make a phone call,” Lexa said before rushing towards the car, not looking back. The last thing she heard before entering the car was her brother greeting her.

 

It only took a few minutes before Lexa could see them approaching, Octavia shaking her head and Lincoln looking sheepish. _What did he do?_

They enter the car, but he doesn’t start it and Lexa could feel herself getting worried.

“What? What happened?” she asked.

“Go on Lincoln. Tell her,” Octavia said.

He sighed before talking, “I might have told Clarke you’re coming to her party this weekend. And before you say anything, yes, I know you’re not ready, but I don’t know what happened. You know I’ve always had a weak spot for her. You don’t even have to go.”

“Oh my god, Lincoln!” Lexa said and fell back in her seat. It wasn’t necessarily that she didn’t want to see Clarke, it was more that she wasn’t ready. She had just arrived in a city she hadn't been in for six years, literally getting kicked out the last time she was here. Now she saw the girlfriend she left behind and her stupid brother told her she was coming to her party. That she was hosting. At her house. Lexa was going to kill him.


	2. Don't forget to remember me

When they arrived at Octavia and Lincoln’s apartment, Lexa settled into her room. It was a fairly big apartment with three bedrooms and an extra bathroom connected to the master bedroom. The living room and the kitchen was an open floor plan and was decorated with furniture that was mostly white and grey, making everything seem bigger than it really was. Lexa thought that Lincoln could not have had anything to do with the decorating, knowing he would be happy living in a hole in the wall, with only a couch and a TV. She was impressed by Octavia’s hold over her brother.

 

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door, followed by it being opened slowly.

“Are you decent?” Octavia’s voice sounded through the door crack.

“Yes, Octavia, you’re safe,” Lexa answered.

“Good,” she opened the door fully, “Lincoln is making dinner, anything in particular you want?”

She took a minute to think before answering. “If I remember correctly, he makes a killer chicken parmesan. Any chance that’s an option?” Lexa asked.

“Oh my god, I love you. That’s my favourite, but he never bothers to make it. Now he’ll have to though, thanks,” Octavia answered and all but ran back to the kitchen.

 

Lexa chuckled slightly at Octavia, and stood up to get some clothes for a shower. She’d had a long flight, sitting in close proximity to a lot of sweaty people and was really looking forward to cleaning herself up.

 

*

 

When the water hit her body, she let out a deep breath. She could finally let herself feel and react to everything happening that day. If it was one thing she had learned at school it was to never let your feelings show. Had this been six years ago she wouldn’t hesitate to talk to Lincoln. It wasn’t though. She was no longer fifteen, and a lot had happened since then.

 

A lot had happened in the last 24 hours too. She had boarded a plane to England, met her brother and had seen her ex-girlfriend. As the water washed over her, so did her emotions. She was not going to cry though. She didn’t do that. At least that’s what she liked to tell herself. The water running down her face was definitely from the showerhead. All of it.

_‘You’re crying, Lexa? You’re weak_ , _crying is weakness_.’

She tried shaking the voices of her teachers out of her head, but it wasn’t working very well.

“Fuck!” she yelled and drove her hand into the wall, a decision she quickly regretted when she felt the pain spread through her fingers. Her hand started clenching and unclenching while she took deep breaths. She was going to take one minute to acknowledge her feelings, no more. Her body relaxed and her mind wandered. First off all, she was angry. She was angry with her parents for sending her away so she had to come back this way. A stranger to her friends and family. She was sad for the friend that wasn’t there to greet her, and she was confused. She was so confused because she thought she was over Clarke. Actually seeing her made Lexa realise that that might not be true.

She quickly decided that her minute was over and washed her hair and body, and stepped out of the shower to dry off.

 

*

 

When Lexa stepped out of the bathroom, the smell of chicken immediately hit her. Lincoln making chicken was a regular occurrence when they were younger and just smelling it felt like coming home.

“Hey slowpoke, dinner’s ready,” Lincoln yelled from the kitchen.

 

They all settled down around the dinner table and started piling food on their plates.

“So Linc, Octavia tells me you don’t make this anymore? Why? You used to make it all the time,” Lexa said.

“Yeah, but then you went away. You know this is our meal. It wasn’t the same without you,” Lincoln answered, taking a bite.

“Hm,” Lexa nodded slowly in understanding, and took a bite of her own. “Oh my god. It’s better than I remember.”

“I’ve had a long time to perfect it,” Lincoln simply said.

 

*

 

 “So, are you guys excited for the wedding?” Lexa asked, well into her second plate.

“Oh my god, yes. I’ve always loved planning parties, but a wedding is a thousand times better!” Octavia exclaimed.

“Yeah, it’s going to be pretty cool. I would’ve been happy just signing papers, but O wanted the whole package, and what she wants she usually gets,” Lincoln said.

“He is so weak for me.”

Lexa laughed when Lincoln didn’t even deny it. “How many people did you invite?” she asked.

“150-ish,” Octavia answered.

“What? How the fuck did you get 150 people on your list?”

“Well, you guys have a huge ass family, and I have a lot of friends. Plus, Lincoln wanted to invite all his former teammates.”

“You didn’t invite the _whole_ family, did you?” Lexa raised her eyebrows at Lincoln.

“Not everyone. I drew the line at Aunt Nina,” Lincoln assured her.

Aunt Nina was Woods family’s vodka aunt, and not the fun kind. She was rude and offensive, and had a real knack for saying the wrong thing. When Lincoln and Lexa were kids they had vowed to never invite her to anything as long as they were in charge.

“What about you Octavia? Is there anyone other than your brother? What was his name again? B something?”

“Bellamy, and no, it’s just us. He’s also bringing his girlfriend, Echo.” Octavia answered.

“Echo? As in Echo Veida?” Lexa raised her eyebrows in surprise.

“Yeah. They’ve only been dating a few months but it seems pretty serious,” Lincoln nodded.

“Small world,” Lexa said quietly.

They finished their meal in a comfortable silence after that, and everyone helped clear the table when they finished. Lincoln offered to do the dishes while the girls got a glass of wine and watched TV. In that moment, Lexa felt surprisingly good about being back. Lincoln was happy, he was marrying the girl of his dreams and Lexa got to be a part of that. He also inevitably broke her nice moment when he finished in the kitchen.

“So, I know it’s been a lot to deal with today, but I also know you’d probably want to get this over with quickly. I have Costia’s letter for you, if you want it,” Lincoln rubbed his hands together nervously.

Lexa took a deep breath before nodding quickly, “yeah, that would be good.”

He disappeared into their bedroom for a moment before returning with an envelope. “No one has opened it, in case you were wondering,” he said, handing it to Lexa.

“Thank you,” she said, reaching for the paper. “I think I’ll just read it in my room. Thank you for the dinner and the wine, excuse me,” Lexa gave her brother a small smile and pushed past him.

“Think she’ll be okay?” Octavia asked.

“I hope so. If not, I hope she tells us. She likes to think she’s able to handle everything alone, but everybody needs someone,” Lincoln answered, looking at the door his sister had disappeared behind.

 

*

 

Lexa sat down on the bed and looked at the envelope. Her name was written in Costia’s elegant handwriting on the front. She took a deep breath and tried to calm her shaking hands. She opened the envelope and took out the neatly folded paper inside.

 

_To my dear Lexa._

_I am so sorry._

_I’m sorry for not protecting you when you needed me to._

_I’m sorry for letting you go and giving up._

_I’m sorry for not reaching out to you._

_I am so sorry for all these things, but most of all I’m sorry for leaving this way. We’ve always known there was a big chance this would happen. Now it’s here and I’ve made peace with it. I hope you will too._

_Knowing you, you’ve probably come up with a thousand possible reasons why I finally made it to the edge. It’s actually really simple. This world is not for me. There are so many awful things here. War, hunger, hate, evil. I can’t take it. It’s tearing me down, and when you left I think you took the piece holding me back with you. It wasn’t your fault, though, please don’t think that. I wish things were easier. I wish I had your strength. Don’t lose that please._

_You reading this means you made it back to London. I’m glad. I’m sorry I’m not there to greet you. We could’ve gotten the band back together. You, Clarke, Lincoln and me. That would’ve been something, wouldn’t it? Maybe you could get together and play one last song for me? At least talk to Clarke again. I know that’s a lot to ask, but you guys are meant to be in each other’s lives. If not as lovers, then at least as friends. I don’t know how long it’s been, you’re both probably different people now, but I have a feeling that doesn’t matter. Get to know each other again. Maybe you’ll get that spark back._

_I would like for you to visit my parents while you’re here, I left something for you. Now this is starting to feel an awful lot like a scavenger hunt. I know how much you love those, but I swear that was not the intention. It’s just a box of things I would like you to have. Please don’t forget to remember me._

_Don’t lose yourself Lexa._

_You will always be my best friend. I love you._

_May we meet again,_

_Costia._

 

Lexa finished the letter with a sigh. The tears had been falling rapidly from the first word she read, and they now stained the paper in front of her. There were so many thoughts and emotions going through her and she didn’t quite know what to do.

A part of Lexa had always felt that this was somehow her fault, and even though Costia had said it wasn’t, she couldn’t help but hold on to that feeling. She always knew she was a big reason for Costia holding on as long as she did. Even though Lexa and Clarke were dating, she and Costia had always had a special bond. Costia always used to say they were platonic soulmates.

“Oh, Cos,” Lexa sobbed. She tried rubbing the tears quickly from her face but new ones replaced them just as fast. She tried to hold them back but occasionally the sobs would escape her body. She hadn’t cried like this since Lincoln told her of Costia’s passing. No one was surprised by the news seeing as Costia had been sick for a long time. They had had many long conversations about Costia’s thoughts and illness, and Lexa felt a tiny bit of relief for her friend, which also made her feel like a horrible person. She missed her like crazy and wished desperately to talk to her again, but liked to think her friend was in a better place.

 

She started reading the letter over again but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Hey Lex, you okay?” Lincoln asked through the door.

Lexa took a deep breath before answering, voice cracking, “yeah, I’m good.”

“Do you need anything?”

“No, I was just about to go to bed,” she answered.

There was a long pause and Lexa thought he had left, but suddenly she heard a soft “goodnight.”

“Night, Linc. Say goodnight to Octavia for me.”

“Will do,” and with that he left.  

 

When Lexa didn’t hear anything else she put the letter down and changed into a shirt to sleep in. She laid down on the bed and read it a few more times before falling asleep, paper clutched in her hand and childhood memories playing in her head.


	3. See you again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long wait! Next chapter is Clarke's party!

Lincoln was getting tired of waiting. The girls were still getting ready and they were already 10 minutes late. The drive to the restaurant would most likely take another 10 minutes, and he hated not arriving on time.

“Come on, girls! We have to go!” he yelled from the living room.

“Just one minute!” Octavia yelled back, and Lincoln sighed.

Lexa was the first one to emerge, wearing plain, black jeans and a white t-shirt.

“How on earth did that outfit take all this time?” Lincoln shook his head.

“It’s not the outfit, Lincoln, it’s the rest. Octavia did my hair and makeup,” Lexa told him.

“Well, next time, please be faster, we’re already 10 minutes late,” he said, dragging a hand across his shaved head.

Not long after, Octavia appeared wearing an outfit similar to Lexa’s, only she had a dark red shirt and a leather jacket.

“About bloody time! Let’s go,” Lincoln said while rushing to the door.

 

x

 

They had miraculously made it to the restaurant in 5 minutes (Lincoln might have ran a red light or two). When they arrived at their table, Lexa couldn’t contain the smile that spread on her face. Anya was sitting with her back towards them talking to Raven, who was the first to notice them. She looked up and smiled before nudging Anya with her arm. Anya whipped her head around and jumped out of her seat.

“Oh my god,” she said and gave Lexa a tight hug. “It’s been so fucking long, I’ve missed you so much, you asshole.”

“I’ve missed you too, Anya,” Lexa laughed. Her cousin had definitely changed in appearance, her cheekbones even more prominent than Lexa remembered, and her hair was almost blonde now. Her personality, however, still seemed to be the same. Lexa released Anya, who moved on to the others, and cocked her head at Raven. “Hey buttface,” she smirked.

“Little shit,” Raven nodded at her, before standing and giving her a hug too, “I missed you.”

“You too.” Lexa laughed and briefly looked down at the brace covering Raven’s leg trying to decide if she should mention it or not. When she looked back up and saw Raven smiling weakly at her, she decided not to bring it up right now. This was supposed to be a happy dinner, and she got the feeling that was not a happy story. She was surprised she hadn’t heard anything about it, but figured maybe Raven would like to tell her herself.

 

x

 

When everyone had ordered their food and received their drinks Anya took it upon herself to start the conversation. “Before we go into all the details of who’s banging who and how amazing my life is, I want to make a toast,” she raised her glass towards the middle of the table. “To Lexa. I’m glad you’re back, and if it takes another 6 years before I see you again I will kick your ass.”

Lexa smiled fondly at her cousin as everyone joined in, “To Lexa!”

“So,” Anya started again after everyone had put down their glasses again, “what the hell have you been up to for the last six years? You do know that phones exist, right?”

Lexa looked down at the question, “I know. I’m sorry I haven’t called or emailed or whatever. It’s just been so hard being away, and I finally got kind of used to it, you know,” she shrugged. “After some time it seemed easier not to get in touch.”

“I can understand that,” Raven said. Sensing the tension coming from Lexa she decided to change the subject, “so what do you do now?”

“I’m studying law at Stanford,” Lexa answered proudly.

“Stanford? That’s impressive. Does that mean you’re planning on staying over there? Law school takes a long time doesn’t it?” Raven asked.

“I haven’t really thought about it. I mean, my life _is_ there now, my friends, school, and my job. I’m not opposed to moving back here later on, but right now I’m basically a stranger visiting you guys. It’s not the right time I guess,” Lexa answered. “What about you guys? What do you do?”

“I am in the process of publishing my first book and Raven actually owns the garage now,” Anya grinned.

“Really? That’s so cool, what kind of book is it?”

“It’s about this post-apocalyptic world where a bunch of teenagers gets sent to a radioactive earth and it turns out they’re not alone,” Anya answered as their food arrived.

“That sounds very interesting, you’ll have to tell me when it’s out so I can buy at least 10 copies,” Lexa said.

The rest of the dinner went by quickly. They ate their food, asked each other question after question about their lives, and told storied from the last 6 years. Everyone was having a great time and after 2 bottles of wine they were all giggling like teenagers, except Lincoln who was designated driver. The story of Raven’s brace did not come up and Lexa still didn’t want to ask, in fear of ruining their incredible dinner. Their desserts were already inhaled and Raven had just finished telling the story of how Anya got stuck in a giant washing machine and she had to rescue her.

“Oh my god, Anya,” Lexa laughed.

“It was not one of my proudest moments,” Anya scowled at Raven.

“Anya I love you, but you are such a klutz.”

“Guys, it’s getting pretty late and I have an early morning tomorrow so I think we should head home,” Lincoln interrupted.

“Really?” Lexa looked at her watch, “Oh wow. Time sure flies when you’re having fun.”

“God Lexa, you are such a nerd,” Anya laughed.

“What?” Lexa asked, looking puzzled.

“Time sure flies?”

Lexa just shrugged and stood up, “thanks for tonight, guys. It was so much fun and I really needed this. We’ll have to meet again soon.”

“Yeah. Hey, are you going to Clarke’s party?” Raven stood up as well.

“I’m not sure,” Lexa said, “I’m thinking about it, I’ll let you know?”

“You do that,” Anya said and hugged Lexa. “It was so nice seeing you again little cousin.”

“You too Anya. And you buttface,” Lexa said and hugged Raven.

“See you soon.”

With that Lexa, Lincoln and Octavia exited the restaurant and drove back to the apartment.

“Did you have fun tonight, Lex?” Lincoln asked.

“Yeah,” Lexa smiled, “it was very nice seeing them again.”

It was quiet for a few minutes before Lexa spoke up again, “Hey Linc, could we go see the Crewe’s tomorrow?”

Lincoln looked at her through the rear-view mirror, “so soon? Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. We’ll go see them tomorrow.”

Lexa smiled softly at her brother before turning her head to look at the building flying past the window. She was both excited and nervous to see the Crewe’s again. She had missed them a lot while she was gone, more than her own parents, which when you thought about it, wasn’t so weird.

 

x

 

“You know this can wait right?” Lincoln turned to look at her.

“I know. I just want to get it over with,” Lexa said and looked up at the house she once considered more of a home than her own.

“They’ll be happy to see you.”

“I know.”

They sat in the car a little while longer, the only sound made was Lexa’s deep breaths. Finally, she put her hand on the door and opened it. Lincoln stepped out on the other side, walked around the car and stood beside his sister.

“Want me to go first?” he asked.

“Yes.”

He nodded and crossed the street, Lexa a few steps behind, hesitantly walking up the stairs after him. Her heart felt like it was going to break through her ribs, and her whole body was tingling from all the nerves. She wasn’t sure why she was so nervous, Costia’s parents had always welcomed her with open arms, even when Costia wasn’t home. This time Costia wasn’t just a few minutes away though. She wasn’t going to come home.

Lincoln stood in front of her and knocked on the door. It was silent for a moment before they heard someone walking down a set of stairs, and closer to the door. It opened and revealed Costia’s father.

“Lincoln! How are you?” he said and hugged Lincoln. As he looked behind him and saw Lexa, his eyebrows shot up. “Lexa? Lexa Woods?” he asked and practically pushed Lincoln out of the way.

“Hello Mr. Crewe,” Lexa said as she received a tight hug.

“I know it’s been a long time, but you’re still allowed to call me Martin. Please, come in,” he released her and gestured inside.

“Martin? Who is it?” they heard a woman yell from the kitchen.

“Come see for yourself, Susan!”

“We aren’t expecting anyone, can’t you just-” Susan stopped abruptly in the doorway, “Lexa?”

“Hi,” Lexa said and gave a weak wave.

“You’re so grown up. You look beautiful,” Susan said reaching for Lexa, and squeezed her tight.

“Thank you. You guys look great too,” Lexa answered as they entered the living room.

“Can I get you anything? Tea? Unfortunately I haven’t made anything, I wasn’t expecting anyone today,” Susan said.

“No that’s okay, thank you. I just wanted to come say hello and see how you were doing,” Lexa answered. “So how are you?” she asked and sat down on the couch.

“We’re doing well. It’s very quiet around here, but I suppose we’re getting used to it,” Martin answered from across the table. “The quiet, not her absence. I don’t think I could ever get used to that.”

Lexa didn’t know what to say so she just nodded silently.

“I assume you’ve read the letter she wrote for you? Can you believe she left one for all of you? I swear, I have never met anyone more organized than that girl,” Susan laughed.

“Yeah, I’ve read it,” Lexa answered and wanted to laugh, but it came out more as a puff of air than a laugh.

“She told us about the box. We haven’t been able to clean out her room yet, would you like to see it?” Martin asked carefully.

Lexa took a deep breath while thinking about it. “I don’t think I’m ready for that yet,” she said. “Maybe I could come back another day?”

“That’s quite alright darling,” Susan answered. “Martin, would you go get it for her?”

“Of course,” he smiled and left to get the box.

“Have you been to see her yet?” Susan asked.

“No, not yet. We’re going after this.”

Martin came back down with the box and Lexa couldn’t keep her eyes off it. They kept talking for a while, Lexa telling them about her life and school, and Costia’s parents talked about their life. They shared stories of Costia’s adventures and Lexa felt a bit of weight lift off her shoulders. It was nice to talk about her and be able to laugh. After some time Lincoln decided it was time to go if they were going to make it home for dinner after being at the cemetery.

“Thank you so much for visiting, Lexa,” Susan said as they made their way to the door.

“Thank you for letting me.”

“We’ll see you soon?” Martin asked and hugged both of the Woods siblings.

“Of course,” Lexa smiled.

 

x

 

“You ready for this?” Lincoln asked.

“Is anyone?”

Lincoln didn’t answer, but rubbed her shoulder as he walked off. Lexa slowly sat down in front of the headstone and took a minute to examine it.

_In loving memory of_   
_Costia Crewe_   
_June 6 th 1993 – September 15th 2009_   
_Her absence is a silent grief,_   
_her life a beautiful memory._

It was an elegant, cursive writing with a bright, gold colour, contrasting beautifully against the dark grey of the stone. Lincoln had left to check on their grandfather’s grave, giving her some time alone. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“Hi Cos,” she said after a few seconds. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here to visit you before now. I could say that I’ve been busy but that would partially be a lie. I have had a lot to do, but not so much that I couldn’t come. I think I’m just,” she paused and fought back the tears threatening to fall. “I was scared I guess. I thought that maybe if I postponed this visit I could kind of pretend you weren’t dead and I wouldn’t have to face it,” her voice cracked as she tried blinking away the tears, only for them to finally fall. “I went to see your parents. They seem to be doing okay, you know, considering. I got the box but I haven’t had time to look through it yet. Soon though,” she sighed.

She saw Lincoln approaching slowly in her peripheral vision and quickly dried her cheeks. “Anyway, Lincoln is coming now. Thank you for your letter, I’ll come back again soon.” She turned to Lincoln, who had now arrived and took the hand he offered. They smiled weakly at each other before Lexa turned back to the headstone, “I love you, Costia,” she said. Lincoln put his arm around her shoulders and they left.


End file.
